“Exactly.”
Tessa sunk down on the seat. “But this is what you have always wanted. He obviously merely needed a prod to finally face the fact it’s long overdue for him to settle down.”
“So I’m a convenience? If only that were the whole of it.” At Tessa’s frown she added, “Dougray proposed, saying he has always loved me.”
Tessa’s eyes narrowed. “Always? Then where has he been the past two years once you came out of mourning? I thought Dougray was an honorable man but why is he lying to get you to agree. Surely he knows you love him and would marry him in a flash.”
She stood with her back to Tessa, shame and self-pity eating her soul. “He wants to marry me because he’s suddenly realized I’m barren. He wants me because I cannot have children.”
She heard Tessa rise and come and stand next to her. She slipped her hand in Flora’s. “I’m confused. You are not making sense. He needs an heir. Why would he marry you if he thought you barren.”
She let the tears fall once again. “He gave me up because he thinks any woman he gets with child will die in childbirth like Connie, and like his mother. He says he let me go to save my life but now…”
“But now he thinks there is no risk as you have never fallen enceinte.” She hugged Flora. “I feel sorry for him. He must have lived with this fear and guilt for years. It’s does explain some of the stories I’ve heard about his sexual tendencies.”
“What stories?”
Tessa looked uncomfortable. “Let’s just say that there are many ways to pleasure a man and he is known to vary rarely make love to a woman. He prefers other methods.”
Flora sighed and shook her head. “You are right. I do feel sorry for him. I’m also so angry with him I could—hit him until I’m exhausted. I had to marry Iain because of his fear. But perhaps God does have a plan for us and knew we were not suited because he needs an heir even if he won’t admit it.”
“You don’t know that you can’t have a child with him.” Tessa the ever optimist said.
“I lost two babies before I was two months along, and after the last one the doctor told me there was no hope, and I never fell with child again.”
Tessa’s eyes welled. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you can’t have a child but you are the best Auntie ever. I blame Dougray’s father. If he had not ordered that no one could help Connie, none of this might have happened. I can understand the guilt Dougray carries.”
“He must worry about—that is it must play on his mind every time he lies with a woman. No wonder he wants me… if he thinks I cannot get with child.”
Tessa led her back to the bench and they sat. “Perhaps you are meant to be his wife. He can finally open his heart and love. And if he really does love you then it is almost perfect.”
“Except I really can’t have children. What if he loses his fear as he gets older and then he’s stuck married to me.”
Tessa shrugged. “But if he loves you, won’t that be enough? If he gave you up and let you marry another, thinking to save your life, I’d say he loves you a great deal. Would you have been able to be that strong? I doubt I could have walked away from Angus even if I thought there was a chance he might die. I’m too selfish.”
Flora hadn’t considered that. All she saw was that he had let her go. “Are you saying I should marry Dougray?”
“It’s Glengarry isn’t? The idea of those three young children. But while those children will learn to love you unconditionally, they can’t keep you warm at night. They can’t stir your body, or your heart, or your soul like a husband can. During the day they become your world, but at night your only company will be loneliness. Especially with Glengarry. He’s always been a rake, be it a gentlemanly rake, but a rake all the same.”
Flora nodded at Tessa’s assessment.
“Don’t let pride cloud your thinking. This could be the happy ending you crave. There are plenty of orphans you could raise as your own if you were married to Dougray.”
“That’s true. I just wish he’d given me more time to decide what to do.”
Tessa smiled. “You don’t need more time to know you still love him.”
She turned and hugged Tessa. “Yes. I still love him. I’ve always loved him.”
“You accuse him of not facing his fears, aren’t you doing the same? You have a chance to find love, grab it with both hands and never let it slip away again, but it looks like you’re too scared to take it.”
“Then best I go inside and face my fears.” She held out her hand and the two women walked back towards the Palace ballroom with determined strides.
DOUGRAY WATCHED Tessa and Flora reenter the ballroom and he was relieved to see a smile on her face. He wondered if Tessa might have tried to dissuade her of the match but it appeared she hadn’t. He wondered if he had Angus to thank for that. Did Angus confide in his wife?
