‘‘Let me come straight to the point: Madam X, affecting a certain vague genius, has stirred up so many storms on our three-mile-long street and disturbed so many people’s minds that she has altered their individual destinies. Everybody knows this. Out of inertia, we’re used to this fixed, unchanging perspective. As soon as something comes up, we go all out to join in. But if we think about this deeply, we’ll discover a big problem. (We generally have no time to reflect because all day long we’re fervently busy with our civic activities.) Let me give you a simple example: at present, this surveillance is grounded in our firm belief that Madam X is engaged in a certain kind of unusual adultery.
‘‘From the revelations at the meetings in the dark room, you knew something explosive was about to occur. But the reality was not what you thought. And it is going to stay this way. There is no sign of any change. And so you felt tricked and you became tenacious and thought you’d use this tenacious antagonism to solve your problems and make history develop in accord with the trajectory you had set. What if someone pointed out (unfortunately, such bright people are rare) that your belief was vague and untrustworthy in the first place? With all of your reasoning built on it, your idea couldn’t hold up, could it? As soon as we grew excited, we endowed a certain subject with all kinds of charm and let ourselves be dazzled. Such unusual adultery, such a mysterious, unfathomable paramour: we manufactured all of this from our hopes and emotions. Why did we have to hope for this? Because we were bored, and because we were afraid, and so we shifted the crisis and came up with this surveillance.
‘‘I want to tell you now: Madam X couldn’t be the way she is in your imaginations. That is an inconceivable joke. In this perfectly mature society of ours, behavior is governed by iron discipline. This has become second nature. It guarantees peace and harmony. If now someone-who knows whether she’s come from outer space or has simply grown out of the earth-shows up who is not part of this society and manipulates our collective will and makes us into dolls for her to hold, how can people come to see this? Isn’t this the same as saying that our society is merely a plaything that can be manipulated and changed at will? Wouldn’t this embarrass our elite? Thinking of this makes me really indignant. Some of us have college degrees and strict social training; some have taken on important leadership roles in the meetings in the dark room. They’re imperturbable and capable of analyzing facts. For some years, I have trusted them almost unconditionally and supported their work. Now it seems I’ve been glaringly wrong! My simplicity and sincerity have brought me to an awkward pass. I’ve been tossed aside and ignored. Current fads have swept through the entire street. Everyone competes to trample traditional taste, boisterously congratulating themselves on the so-called ‘rebirth.’ They also say they’ve discovered a new continent: this new continent is Madam X. She’s an ingenious person, with an infinite number of sleights of hand. Everyone should pay attention to her! What happened to our earlier calm?
‘‘Looking back, I still remember clearly how correctly everyone treated a certain stenographer when he came here with his fantasies to undertake an investigation. Really, the people changed greatly. How did this get started? How could it have reached this point? Trying to get to the bottom of it, I have to denounce myself. I feel incredibly remorseful. During a meeting in the dark room last month, all kinds of clues already pointed to today’s crisis. Then, however, I sat behind the platform, looking on with a child’s gullible eyes. I didn’t suspect the dangerous trend in the crowd’s mood. I looked on calmly as everyone slid into the mud hole and wallowed. After the meeting, while the crowd was ready to act and was plotting activities, I was up to my elbows with something else and didn’t have time to warn and deter everyone. Thus, things went from bad to worse. How could I have been so careless? Was it merely because of objective conditions? Was it a chance mistake? Most people would avoid the blame this way, and would even depict themselves as suffering heroes. But this is not the way I operate. Not only must I accept responsibility for all the mistakes, but I must also examine the squalor in my soul and find out where the root of my mistake lies.
