“Tell me about your internship and what it entails,” he said, looking somber, and she seemed oblivious to the sad look in his eyes. He knew that he had already failed Natalie and broken his promise to her, and the trip had just begun. He’d have to explain it to her when he went home, if he even could. He hoped she’d be reasonable about it. He was beginning to wonder if it would be smarter not to tell Heloise anything about Natalie at all until she came home for good in December. If he told her before that, she might decide to stay in France. There was no telling how betrayed she would feel, or how angry, no way to measure the vehemence of her reaction until the words had been said and the news delivered. She was the only child he had, the love of his life, and he wasn’t willing to take the chance. It was cowardly perhaps, but he didn’t want to lose his child. He loved Natalie very much, but even she wasn’t worth that to him.
For the rest of the trip, they went to museums and churches and had delicious dinners, mostly small, informal restaurants in Trastevere, on the other side of the Tiber River. They received the papal blessing on Easter morning, went to the Colosseum, and had a wonderful time together as father and daughter. She spent an enormous amount of time talking on her cell phone to Francois and texted him everywhere they went, but in spite of that, Hugues couldn’t bring himself to tell her that there was a woman in New York that he was in love with and spending time with, and that there was room for both of them in his life. By the time they got back to Lausanne a week after they’d arrived in Rome, she still knew nothing about Natalie’s importance in his life. Francois was waiting for her at the school when they returned, and she beamed the moment she saw him, and Francois kissed her. It angered Hugues that she was allowed to have that intimacy and he wasn’t, but the one he was angry at was himself for being too cowardly to tell her, and unwilling to take the chance that she’d be furious with him. Natalie said she’d get over it. But what if she didn’t?
He took Heloise and Francois to dinner on the last night, at La Grappe d’Or on rue Cheneau-de-Bourg. It was the best restaurant in Lausanne. And Francois was a nice boy, although a little full of himself because his parents owned a well-known hotel and he thought he knew everything there was to know about the business. But he wasn’t a bad kid, and Heloise looked besotted with him. With any luck at all, she’d be ready to leave him by the end of the year. And in the meantime Hugues realized that he and Natalie would have to continue to be discreet for as long as it took. Maybe in a few months Heloise would be ready to hear it and would have matured. He hoped so, but now he had to go back to New York and tell Natalie he had broken his promise, and Heloise still didn’t know.
He hugged her tight when he left her that night, and the next morning he took the early flight back to New York, which arrived at Kennedy at nine A.M. local time, so he could get to work. He had spoken to Natalie several times while he was gone. She didn’t want to push him, so she hadn’t asked if he had told Heloise yet, and now he had to tell her that he hadn’t. He felt as though his heart were dragging on the runway when they landed, and now he had to face her.
He was in his office by ten-thirty and tackled his desk first. He took a quick walk around the hotel to see that everything was in order, and he was heading back to his office when one of the concierges mentioned that Natalie was upstairs installing another painting in one of the suites. He thanked him and took the elevator to the seventh floor and let himself into the suite. She was alone, wrestling with a big painting. She got it on the hook with a grunt of victory as he walked into the room, and she turned to smile at him, and he strode across the room to hug her. He held her tight and closed his eyes, wishing he hadn’t failed her, but he felt he had no other choice.
“You’re back!” She looked thrilled to see him, and he kissed her with all the tenderness of apology and regret of a man who knew he had betrayed her. She pulled away to look at him. She could feel in the way he held her that something was wrong. “What happened?” She looked worried, and he blurted it out immediately. He didn’t want to lie to her too.
“I didn’t tell her. I couldn’t. She said some things in Rome on the first day that told me it would be a huge deal to her. I was afraid she wouldn‘t come back here if I told her. I’m sorry. I wanted to, Natalie, but I just couldn’t.” There was a pounding silence in the room after he said it, and she looked angry for an instant and then sad, and then she nodded. She was a sensible woman. She loved him and didn’t want to lose him either, just as he was afraid to lose his daughter.
