This time, Balot didn’t nod. She wondered whether this was all because she had just won so much at roulette. Had she angered the Doctor and Oeufcoque without even realizing it? As she thought this, she was overcome by a wave of desolation. All expression drained from her face, and she withdrew into her shell, staring at the Doctor from inside her husk.
–You’re starting to wake up to your own potential. That’s all the Doctor is trying to say, said Oeufcoque. The words jolted her out of her stupor, and she squeezed both hands tightly.
–The Doctor didn’t see you in action back at the hideaway, with all your incredible marksmanship. This is the first time he’s seen you in your full glory. He feels a sense of responsibility for what you’ve become, explained Oeufcoque.
–Responsibility?
–Say if you were to start using your abilities for selfish reasons. The Doctor would be obligated to freeze your abilities, and he’d be taken off your case whether he liked it or not.
Balot’s hair stood on end. She felt cold all over. This was the first time that Oeufcoque had alluded to the incident in which she had abused him so—the first time she felt she was being properly admonished. Balot stared at her hands—at Oeufcoque.
But.
–Don’t worry. You’ll develop, and learn, Oeufcoque said, as if he were gently easing Balot’s guilty conscience by taking it upon himself.–You’ll discover and then master your abilities at a rate that will leave the Doctor and me trailing far behind you. There will be times when something is impossible for us but possible for you. The only thing we’re concerned about is that you don’t get burnt out along the way.
–Burnt out?
–We’re now moving into the final phase of our plan vis-a-vis this casino, said Oeufcoque, his voice stern.–All the Doctor and I can do is our best, to the limits of our abilities. Your job is to make it so that we can do what we couldn’t do without you.
“Don’t worry—it’ll be perfectly possible,” added the Doctor. Balot looked up from her hands. “Or rather, there will come a point when it will be possible for you to do it. The question is not if, but when. And, more importantly, how you’ll feel when the moment comes. Which way will your feet be pointing?”
–That’s what you mean by “burnt out”?
“Yes—that’s human psychology for you. What will you do once you have the proof we need to arrest Shell? If you’re too involved, too burnt out, you might feel reluctant to press the advantage, and that could ruin everything.”
Balot’s brows knitted again. Not that she felt bad in any way. She felt that she owed these two something. An apology for thinking that it was they who wanted to use her, perhaps. She realized that it was just her own guilty conscience that had been putting these sorts of thoughts in her mind.
–Do you think I’d suddenly go all soft on you? It’s me we’re talking about here.
“Well, sure, but…” The Doctor stuck his lower lip out, and his sentence trailed away into a mumble.
–I think I’m burnt out through and through.
Balot’s face had turned harsh without her realizing it.
–So I think that once I start running, I’m not going to be able to stop. But I really don’t want to cause you two any trouble. Do you think we should leave it here?
“What’s your ultimate goal?” The Doctor answered her question with one of his own.
Balot thought as she stared at her glass of cinnamonade. What she wanted was simple enough. But what it meant was something altogether different, and she wasn’t sure if she could put it into words.
–It’s just as I said to Tweedledee and the others.
Eventually she took her eyes off the glass.
