The Great Troll War полностью

‘I have plans far bigger and bolder than you could possibly imagine,’ he said. ‘You will never find out what I am going to do until I have done it.’

‘We’re working on that,’ I said, wondering whether the team back in Penzance had managed to find a fantasy author with a suitably aberrant imagination, ‘but really,’ I added, ‘centuries of planning to give yourself, what, two TeraShandars of power? It’s big enough to achieve world domination, but not enough to keep it.’

He smiled.

‘Who did your maths? That Full Price nincompoop, or the perpetually moody Lady Mawgon? “She who no-one obeys”.’

‘It’s more?’

‘Considerably more. You don’t total the power of each conjoinment, you multiply them. The power available to me is roughly two raised to the power of sixty-three.’

He placed the figures in the air as smoke so I could better understand them.

263

‘Doesn’t look like much, does it?’ he said. ‘But when you consider that the notable Carl Sagan42 calculated that two raised to the power of eighty was likely the number of elementary particles in the universe, I think you will agree I will have more crackle on tap than I’d really know what to do with.’

‘More skyscrapers in North Devon?’ I asked.

‘You’re very sarcastic, aren’t you?’

‘I learned it from a friend,’ I said, thinking of Tiger.

‘It’s not skyscrapers I want to build,’ he said after a moment’s thought, ‘it’s enlightenment.’

‘I’m listening.’

‘The acquisition of knowledge follows broadly established lines: research, collation, evaluation, testing, modification and conclusion. These can all be done by others and deposited in libraries. Terrific if you’re a specialist, but if you are looking for a broader and fuller understanding of exactly what all this is here for and how and why it works, then you will need an all-encompassing overview, a full and complete understanding of an almost infinite host of subjects. A lifetime is not long enough to do that.’

‘I don’t disagree with that,’ I said, ‘so far.’

‘In the pursuit of knowledge,’ he continued, ‘humans fight, regimes fall and knowledge is lost, forgotten or warped for political gain. With a clear objective and time enough in which to do it, I can achieve full enlightenment. If you stop to think for a moment, Jenny, I’m actually making the greatest possible contribution to human knowledge. I call it “The Everything Project”.’

There was a pause in the conversation as D’Argento reappeared and handed Shandar a coffee, and me a banana milkshake, my favourite.

‘All the great unanswered questions of the world will be answered,’ I said, recalling Yolanda of Kilpeck’s prediction of what would happen when the Quarkbeasts came together.

‘Correct,’ said Shandar. ‘The Quota of fully Quorumed Quarkbeasts will allow me to become what will be known as “the Shandarian Oracle”.’

He paused for a moment.

‘But to ultimately know everything I need to transcend the boundaries imposed by human biology. When the Quarkbeasts conjoin I will have the power to achieve immortality. An eternal life to answer the Eternal Question. Better still, I will have enough spare power to bestow it on others. Like the loyal Miss D’Argento, for instance – and you.’

‘You’re offering me eternal life so I can help you figure out the riddles of the universe? That’s quite an offer.’

‘The best you’ll ever get,’ he said. ‘Give me your Quarkbeast, and live a life eternal at my side, learning all there is to know about everything.’

‘That’s all I have to do?’

‘Pretty much – oh, and you have to be my friend, stop all this hating and occasionally help me out in times of need.’

I thought for a moment. Not about his offer, which would have massive strings attached – but what he was actually up to. There was more to this, and it certainly reeked of world domination – but we’d already discounted that. There was something more.

‘Tell me your plans and I’ll give you an answer.’

‘Give me your Quarkbeast and after the conjoining I’ll tell you everything.’

‘Why not just take it?’

He paused.

‘It’s … not as easy as that.’

‘But all this Troll mass murder is?’

‘I didn’t kill anyone,’ he said, ‘I simply allowed the Trolls to express themselves in an openly geographical manner. It’s not my place to instruct the Trolls as to their eating habits, any more than you can insist I be vegetarian.’

‘So you’re okay with all that “being eaten alive” stuff?’

‘Of course,’ he said, mildly puzzled that I should ask. ‘Looking at it objectively, there is no difference between Trolls eating humans and humans eating sheep. Thinking otherwise strikes me as actually a little hypocritical, wouldn’t you agree?’

I had been vegetarian for years, although not militant, but there was a point buried deep somewhere in his twisted logic.

‘May I ask a question?’ I asked.

‘Shoot.’

‘How does someone get to be as utterly immoral as you?’