She finished that sentence with a mixture of regret and embarrassment as she handed me the stack of paper. As I inspected them while trying to contain my confusion, I realized that the first page was a list of potential openings for law office clerks, the job she had performed in the past. The rest of the stack were rejection letters. As far as I could tell, she had sent an application to each and every job offering she could find, and got rejected every time.
My brows furrowed as I skim-read some of those rejection letters. I would’ve expected a certain level of professionalism from law firms, but some of them made no secret of the fact that the only reason Mom got rejected was her age. At forty, she was somehow too old for them to do their filings. At least that explained the embarrassment that had found its way into Mom’s voice.
“Then, what do you need money for?” I asked, still not picking up on what she was trying to achieve.
Before she answered, she pulled another stack of papers from underneath the table and handed it to me as well. This time, it started with a printed sheet listing job offerings for legal assistants. This list was a lot longer than the one for office clerks. The rest of the stack was a bunch of information from HCC regarding their workforce certification programs. Now her question made sense.
“Alright. So, how much do you need?” I asked again, causing her to tense up and regard me with a tentative look.
“Thirteen hundred dollars for the first semester.” she finally said barely loud enough for me to hear, and with her eyes locked onto the table between us. Then she looked up at me and continued with hurried words. “I know how hard you’re working to keep food in the fridge, so I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t convinced that it would help! It’s only two semesters in total, and you can see how much more job opportunities it would get me. I saved as much as I could from the money you already gave me, but I just don’t have enough. And I promise...”
As she continued her rapid-fire delivery of arguments for why this would be beneficial for us, I felt a little smile spread on my face. If she was this reluctant to ask for that amount of money, and had put in so much effort to sell this idea to me, I could be sure that nobody had told her about the money. Or the holding I was now partnered in with her brother. It also told me that she was still trying to set a positive example, instead of being content with using my money.
“Alright!” I called out while chuckling, halting her barrage and causing her to blink at me. “I think this is a great idea. I was thinking about taking a few courses myself anyway.”
“You were?” I heard Mom and Ava ask simultaneously.
“Yes. I was thinking about securing my job. The ones I was looking at are mostly online courses, but, who knows, maybe we can join forces to embarrass Ava and Maggie on the days I have to be there.”
“Oh thank you, Darling!” Mom exclaimed, as she rushed around the table to kneel next to the armchair I was sitting in and wrap her arms around my neck. “You have no idea how important this is to me. I know money is tight, but I couldn’t ask anyone else, since my parents just put most of their money into that college fund and John just bought that house.”
That part made sense. So, she really didn’t ask me because she somehow learned that the cash didn’t go up in flames. Though, there was one thing I still wanted some clarity about.
“Mom, why is this so important to you?” I asked. “I mean, sure, being independent and all that, but we made due so far, and I don’t think I was rushing you to find a job.”
Somehow, this caused her to revert back into the tentative state she had shown me when I asked about how much money she needed.
“Well, you see, I spent a lot of time talking with Danny. She’s helping me get back on track. And ... she gave me a list with ... goals.” Mom explained, her eyes involuntarily darting around the room.
“What goals?” I asked, intrigued from her behavior, and she sighed as she seemed to resolve herself.
“Danny came up with a six-step-program for me. It’s supposed to help me ... well ... get my shit together, really.”
“Huh. What steps?” I asked, now smirking about that shyness in her demeanor.
“Well, first, to properly apologize, of course. Take responsibility for what I did to you. Second, what Danny called ‘Walk the Talk’. Identify what caused my behavior and then avoid it. Third, to be there for you and to make sure you know that you, especially,
As she listed off those points while counting them with her fingers, something in the back of my mind started calling for my attention. Though, I couldn’t quite place it, yet. I was sure, however, that the second point on her list was the reason she had stopped attending the family orgies, and the third must be the reason she found the resolve to move in with me when I was hurt.
