I swallowed my anger, sat back down next to her on the couch, and simply hugged her. It took a long time until she had cried herself out, though by that time, she had stopped apologizing. Instead, she had started basically begging me to not leave her over this.
I couldn’t believe how utterly broken she seemed. If nothing else, this just served as yet another proof of how frightened of losing me she truly was, making it clear how taxing the past few weeks had been on her. Though, to my surprise, I did not just feel compassion for her. Somehow, in the very back of my mind, I started feeling a little annoyed. Irritated, even. However, I did my best to not entertain that unexplained mood swing and concentrate on getting Mom to calm down.
“Mom, it’s okay. It’s not really your fault.” I said, trying to make my voice as soft as possible.
“No! It’s not! It’s not fair. He just took all of your money for Logan. You just started saving up again. And now it’s taken away again! I’m so sorry!” she just continued to sob.
This whole thing had backfired tremendously. I hadn’t really thought about the joint bank accounts, and Aaron getting half of my shit was as much of a surprise to me as it was to them. I only asked her to clear that with her lawyer to get her into her bedroom, so I could sneak away and call John. I didn’t want to make her feel even worse than she already had, and grew a little desperate - or more like impatient - to get her to stop crying.
“Mom! I was the one who
Shifting the blame away from her caused her sobbing to lessen in intensity, but that was it. So, I changed tactics.
“Okay, look. Yes, it sucks. But I don’t blame you, and I’m pretty sure we’ll manage. If this is what it takes to be done with the whole deal, so be it. My bank account was steadily filling up, so it’ll continue to fill back up after this is over. And, honestly, ... it’s like you said. He just emptied it. There’s not much I’ll lose. Trust me, nothing will change.”
Almost all of this was a lie, of course. It pissed me off more than I could put into words that, thanks to the cash I had cleaned through my developer pages, Aaron would, once again, take thousands of dollars from me. And I couldn’t do anything about it besides trying to lessen the amount he’ll get.
If Mom or Ava suspected that I had just told them a white lie, neither of them chose to show it. Mom’s mood improved at least to the point where she finally stopped sobbing.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“Yeah. But, I admit that I’m less than thrilled about handing Aaron my hard earned money. So, tomorrow, we’re going to HCC and enroll. Both of us. That’ll be a little less he’s getting from me, and you can tell the judge that you’re in school instead of being unemployed.”
“Hm” was her entire reply, and also the last thing we heard from her for the rest of our time on the couch.
When it came time to go to bed, Mom was still clinging to my arm. That didn’t change when I got off the couch. I couldn’t tell if she was doing so to seek comfort or to literally hold on to me, but I felt myself reminded of the time I came home after being assaulted in front of the house. Back then, she also refused to let go of me, and, just like then, it caused mixed feelings in me as I still had no idea how to handle it. Though, I did remember how she wordlessly decided to crawl into bed with me that day, and, as expected, she did the same thing now.
I surprised myself again, as I had to stop myself from groaning internally when I came out of the bathroom and found her already under my covers. The irritation and annoyance I felt over her neediness grew with every second she was forcing herself onto me, and I just couldn’t understand why.
Again, I pushed my feelings down, lifted the sheets up, and lay behind her. She instantly scooted back to press herself into me before draping my arm around her. I noticed she wasn’t wearing much, apart from one of my shirts she must’ve grabbed while I was in the bathroom.
“I’m sorry.” she whispered. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”
I didn’t answer. I felt my patience slip away. I just wanted to fall asleep and spent a few hours blissfully unaware of the shit my father was piling onto me again. But I also knew that she had to talk this through, or she wouldn’t get over it herself.
“I guess I’m just a little stressed. And I didn’t have much chance to release ... I mean ... The last few weeks ... months ... were...”
