Many landlords asked for character reference letters, but the only thing I could get from my boss and coworkers was a professional reference letter, which Bill happily prepared. It held some value, but the landlords didn’t just want to know whether I
In early September, I finally found a nice two-bedroom apartment for $1,200 per month, on the first floor of a gated apartment complex ... after offering to pay twelve months’ rent in advance, so there was no danger of me skipping on rent before I turned eighteen, and double the security deposit, so there was no danger of me leaving the place ruined. Interestingly, even then most landlords had refused, thinking I might just burn the whole building down or something, causing more damage than I could deposit for.
After I talked about it with the guys from work, one of them, Paul, introduced me to the landlord of the apartment complex he lived in. Thanks to him putting in a good word for me, the Landlord agreed to give me a chance. He ‘only’ wanted six months rent in advance, plus three months’ rent as security. I would have to drive thirty minutes to school in the mornings and twenty-five minutes home from work in the evenings, but it was a nice distance away from the family, and came with a communal pool and BBQ-Area! The lease would start from the first of November.
My plan was to move into it the day after I turned seventeen, which was a Saturday, and turn the apartment into a place Tess would be happy to live in with me. I wanted to stay true to my promise to support her in any way possible, especially if her mother would actually be gone. I got five big moving boxes, stored them in my room, and anxiously awaited my birthday.
And then my world ended.
In the middle of September, three months after Tess left and only two weeks after I found an apartment for us, I could only reach her voicemail when I tried to call her. This lasted for a few days, my anxiety about her finding someone else had driven me up the walls by that point, before someone finally answered my call. It was her mother.
I learned then that it wasn’t Tess’ mother who was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer. It was Tess herself, when she had her medical checkup in celebration of her thirtieth birthday. She never told me, because she didn’t want to take me along for the ride. So, she stayed with me for as long as she could fully hide the symptoms, then she wanted to spend time with her family. When she was diagnosed, the doctors had given her roughly six months. She was gone after five.
I don’t remember ending the call. I vaguely remember crying, screaming, and pleading with myself for an hour afterwards. I didn’t go to school or work. I didn’t even leave my room for anything but visits to the bathroom for the following two days. I had no idea how to handle it, but also knew there was no purpose in even trying to talk with the family about it. After the second day of my isolation, the parents received an automated call from the school, informing them of my absence.
Just as expected, they didn’t even ask what was going on, so I just ignored their scolding and went back to school the next day. After school, I also drove to work, but when I reached the stop where I used to pick up Tess in the afternoons, I had to leave again. There was not a single room in that fucking building that didn’t hold memories of her, and I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t simply break down in front of the others. I called Bill, apologized for not showing, but also told him I needed the rest of the month. He didn’t ask why. He just listened to what I said and, after a moment of silence, responded in a soft, quiet voice I had never heard the rough old man use before.
“Don’t apologize. I didn’t expect you to be back so soon. Take the two weeks off for now, then see how you feel. I’m really sorry, Tim.”
He already knew about Tess. And since he also knew about Tess and me, he understood.
Tess’ funeral fell on the three-day weekend at the end of the month. Bill made it a work trip for anyone who wanted to attend, which turned out to be most of us, so there wasn’t even any need for me to inform the parents.
