So once again we parted and my father went back to his life of mourning and I continued to wait for news of Charles’s return. Occasionally I heard news of the war. It was not yet over. There seemed to be a series of victories and defeats and I gathered the English were not doing well.
Then one day we had a visitor.
I had met the Comte de Saramand when Charles had been making his arrangements to go to America. He had been one of those who had answered the call and he had stayed at the château several times with us.
As soon as I saw him standing in the hall I knew that he had brought news of Charles and a feeling of dread swept over me.
Why was Charles not with him? They had gone together. Surely they would return together. And why had the Comte de Saramand called on me?
There was something about his demeanour which disturbed me. He looked very grave.
‘Welcome, Comte,’ I said. ‘You have news of my husband … ’
The Comte looked at me steadily and said: ‘I have bad news for you, I’m afraid.’
‘Charles … ’ I murmured.
‘He fell at the Battle of Eutaw Springs. I was with him at the end. His last thoughts were of you. He regretted leaving you and said he never should have done so. He wanted me to tell you that he loved you … that you were the only one.’
‘Dead?’ I murmured. ‘Charles …
‘He gave me this ring which I was to return to you.’
I took the ring. It was the gold ring with the lapis seal which he had always worn. There could be no doubt. Charles was dead.
Although I had come face to face with this possibility, the realization that it had actually come to pass was a great blow and shocked me deeply.
Charles … dead. Buried somewhere in a foreign land. Gone forever.
I mourned for Charles. I shut myself away to consider what his death would mean.
It was so long since I had seen him that I could not pretend the blow was as great as it would have been if he had been snatched away from me when I saw him every day. Life would go on the same at Tourville. Charles had for a long time not been a part of it, but death is shocking however it comes. Death is irrevocable. How many times had I thought during his absence, when he comes back we must discuss this … or plan that. And now … no more.
Chariot scarcely remembered him. Claudine had never really known him. His parents had lost their only son but they had a substitute in their son-in-law and this meant that Amélie and her husband would live permanently at Tourville.
When I broke the news to Chariot, I said: ‘Charlot, your father will never be coming back.’
‘Oh,’ said Charlot, looking up from his painting, ‘does he live in America now?’
‘He was killed in battle,’ I told him.
His eyes were round. ‘Did they shoot him with a gun?’
‘I … I think so,’ I faltered.
‘I wish I had a gun,’ said Chariot, and began to sketch one on the paper before him.
And that was what Charles’s death meant to Chariot.
I cried to myself indignantly: It is your fault, Charles, if you son does not care. You should never have left us.
I felt sad and lonely at night. He would never lie there beside me again. I should never feel his arms about me. But I had been lonely so long that I had grown accustomed to sleeping alone.
‘You should never have left us, Charles,’ I said again and again.
So I did not feel much change at Tourville.
When my father heard the news he came over at once. His first words were: ‘There is nothing to keep you here now.’
I had to admit it was true.
‘Aubigné should be your home. Do you agree, Lottie?’
I said I should need time to think.’
‘Please, Lottie, come home.’
He, who had once been so proud, who had rarely thought to ask for what he wanted, but merely to take it as his right, was pleading with me.
I knew what it would mean to him if I went. Was it the best thing for the children? Would it be right for me?
He had taken my hand. ‘Lottie,’ he said. ‘Please.’
And I knew that I was going to say yes.
IT WAS SEVERAL MONTHS since we had arrived at Aubigné and it seemed more like home to me than Tourville ever had. The children loved it. I had been rather ashamed at the blithe manner in which Charlot and Claudine said goodbye to their Tourville grandparents, who had always been so kind to them. But the prospect of adventure and new places was irresistible to them and they were guileless enough not to hide this. I am sure the Tourvilles understood and were completely sincere in wishing us all every possible happiness in our new home. Louis-Charles also was excited at the prospect, and as the eldest of the children he had great influence on the others though Charlot certainly had a will of his own.
