I had to stifle my emotion when the castle came into view. I had seen it many times, of course, but somehow because of the circumstances it looked different. It seemed as it had on that first time when I had come with my father and did not know then that it was to be my home. It was like a mighty fortress with its corbelled watch-towers and its stone-walled parapets and buttresses proclaimed its strength. I glanced up at what I called in my mind ‘Sophie’s Tower’ and I wondered what life was going to be like at Aubigné.
Lisette was delighted to be going back. She had found life at Tourville excessively dull and she had always had a special feeling for Aubigné.
My father was overjoyed to receive us and he could not take his eyes from the children. I thought, He is happy … at least as happy as he can be without my mother. Armand welcomed us with that brand of nonchalance which could be construed as indifference, but at least he had no objection to our coming. Marie Louise was even more indifferent. My father said derisively: ‘She has her eyes so firmly set on her place in Heaven that she has become unaware that she is still on Earth.’
Sophie kept to her tower and for a long time the children did not know of her existence.
So we settled in and the weeks stretched to months. Strangely enough, bereaved widow that I was—and I still thought nostalgically of Charles and the old days although it was so long since I had known them—I felt more alive at Aubigné than I had at Tourville. Aubigné seemed closer to affairs. My father rarely went to Paris now but he said that when he did I must go with him; and I did believe that since our coming he had begun to take a more lively interest in what was happening in the country.
I had been about two months at Aubigné when Dickon arrived.
My grandmother had died. Dickon said that the death of Zipporah had been the end of her. She had gradually lost what grip she had had on life.
He talked to me more seriously than he ever had before and as he was continually striving to be alone with me these talks were frequent. Once when we were riding he suggested that we tether our horses and sit by the stream, for it was not easy to talk on horseback.
He sat there occasionally picking up a stone and throwing it into the stream.
‘Poor Zipporah,’ he said. ‘That she should meet such an end! She was always such a quiet person. I was very fond of her, you know. Oh, you can look at me sceptically. I know she didn’t like
‘I really believe you think you would have to like almost the whole of the world if you did that.’
He laughed. ‘No … not quite. Zipporah was against me right from the start. It was understandable. I was an impossible child. I hope none of yours turn out as I did. I rather think one of mine—Jonathan—might. We shall have to watch him. Zipporah summed me up in her quiet way and put the black marks against me. Then she did the incredible herself. I don’t think she ever stopped being amazed. But look what it brought her! You … the incomparable Lottie … and then that wonderful romance. It was beautiful to see. A perfect love-story. The passion of youth … the separation, and then the final reunion when they were both older, wiser and capable of realizing what true love meant. It is an example of us all.’
I guessed what he was leading up to and did not want him to say it … yet. I felt very insecure and I doubted his intentions. I believed I would always do that. I told myself that I could never entirely trust him again.
‘They were so happy together,’ I said. ‘So ideally suited. He so worldly, she was innocent. But she was an idealist and I think she made him the man she believed him to be.’
‘It is possible. And to die like that! The victim of fools … for there are many fools in this country.’
‘Aren’t there in all countries?’
‘You are right. But France at this time cannot afford her fools. Can you feel it in the air? It is like the quiet before the storm.’
‘I can feel nothing.’
‘That is because you are not aware of what is going on.’
‘I do live here and you are a visitor.’
‘I travel a little in France and I watch … ’
‘Dickon, your mother said something about fingers in pies. Are you here on a mission?’
‘If I were it would be essentially secret, wouldn’t it, and therefore you would not expect an honourable man to divulge it.’
‘I always thought there was some motive … ’
‘The main motive in my life is to be with you.’
‘I don’t believe that.’
He sighed. ‘How can I make you believe it?’
‘You never could. There is too much behind us. You once talked of marrying me, but you took Eversleigh instead. You married soon afterwards … most suitably.’
‘I made one big mistake. I should have waited for you.’
‘But think what Eversleigh meant to you.’
‘I can only think what you mean to me. Lottie, we have the example of your parents. How wise they were! Think of their idyllic life together.’
‘It would never be like that for us.’
‘Why not?’
