I tried to make her believe that Charles and I had not been lovers before our marriage. I insisted that the flower she had found in his room had not been dropped there by me. I wished I could have found that flower, but although I had searched, I never had been able to. Charles had given it to me so long ago and I had never given it a thought until Sophie mentioned it. I greatly regretted that it was lost and I could not show it to Sophie to prove that I was speaking the truth. But she did not want to hear any more on the subject and I knew that if I persisted I should be prevented from going again to see her and I was trying very hard to get back to that relationship which we had once shared.
The children were a safer subject, but I did not take them to see her. It occurred to me that it might make her resentful of me if she saw the children, for she would immediately think that they might have been hers. So I merely told her about Charlot’s prowess at sport and how he enjoyed playing with Louis-Charles.
I knew that Lisette went to see her, and I thought it was a great breakthrough when Lisette and I went together and there were the three of us just as there used to be in the old days.
Lisette was a great asset. She could keep the conversation flowing in the right directions. She brought materials to show Jeanne and we all discussed the making of a new gown for Sophie.
I thought: One of these days we shall persuade her to come down and live like an ordinary member of the household. There was no reason why she should not. She looked rather pretty in her cleverly fashioned gowns, and the hood seemed like a charming fashion.
Jeanne would welcome us when we went up so I supposed we were making good progress.
There was a sudden change in Armand. He seemed to have become almost lively and there was a new sparkle in his eyes. It was as though he were taking a new and sudden interest in life.
I mentioned it to my father when I was sitting with him in the small room of his own apartments which he regarded as his very private sanctum. I was one of the few who were invited to join him there.
When I mentioned Armand, he smiled and said: ‘Yes, he has changed. So you noticed. He really is getting quite enthusiastic about this project.’
‘Has he a project then?’
‘Yes. Perhaps he is rather over-reacting. But on the other hand, it is a change to see him really getting interested in something. He is gathering together quite a little band of his friends. He was deeply affected, you know, by what …’ My father faltered and went on briskly: ‘By what happened to your mother.’
I nodded.
‘He has always had strong feelings about the rights of those born in high places and what happened was an outrage against his class.’
‘So it was that which affected him so deeply, not … ’
‘Armand’s feelings for people do not go very deep. But he can feel strongly for causes. People are like that. Have you noticed? Those who campaign on behalf of the masses very often have little feeling for the individuals. Armand is such a one. So what deeply affected him was the outrage against class. It has stirred him to action, and he is gathering together a number of his friends with some scheme in mind for forming an armed band to deal with those agitators who are making speeches in the towns. They seem to be the ones who are stirring up trouble. Indeed it was one of those … ’
I put my hand over my father’s. ‘Don’t talk of it,’ I said.
‘You are right. I should stop myself. It brings it all back more vividly. We were saying that Armand had changed and it is a change for the better. It is good to know that he can show some spirit about something. I thought he never could.’
‘What do they plan to do?’
‘I don’t quite know. When they find these agitators speaking to the people they will attempt to answer them … and if there is trouble they will be ready to deal with it.’
‘There really is a great deal of trouble in the country, I fear,’ I said.
‘That is so, my dear. Sometimes I say to myself as our King did, “Perhaps after me the deluge.” But it won’t come to that. There are men like Armand all over the country. They would soon deal with a revolt. Sometimes I wish it would come to the boil so that we could deal with it. It is these undercurrents, these subversive attempts to undermine law and order, which terrify me.’
I could see that the subject was dangerously near that one which could bring back such poignant memories and although they were never far from the surface of his mind I wanted to stop his plunging into them. So I talked of Charlot and asked how he was getting on with his chess which my father was teaching him.
‘Not bad … not bad at all. He lacks the necessary concentration … but he might play one day.’
‘He enjoys being with you.’
‘He likes best to talk about the castle.’ My father smiled. ‘I have had to look up our family history to satisfy him.’
‘Claudine likes too to get into this room.’
‘Ah, Claudine. She is a minx.’
