Two whole years already and it is April, the same season I arrived at (literally “returned to”) Duc Pho to accept the job when the clinic was destroyed after an engagement. Now it is April again… the April sun in the South is very bright and hate is burning like the summer sun. This afternoon from the top of a high mountain I looked down on the clinic, seeing the rising smoke which made my tears fall. So that is how so much sweat and work, how so much of the peoples’ property which had been used to support the wounded soldiers from then until today become smoke and ash! What can I say all my comrades? What more can I say than the steadfast philosophy of the Vietnamese people: “There is no other way but to fight until no imperialist American is in our land: at that time we can have happiness”.
April 29, 1969. I woke up at 1:30 this morning. The forest is so silent in the gloomy moonlight. The Liberation Station* is playing classical Vietnamese music. The voice and the words of the song fill the listener’s heart with sadness. I feel suddenly homesick. Is it the forest’s late night’s scenery which makes me feel so lonely? Is it the hardship of having no house to live in that makes me think about the warm room inside with my parents and all my family? But my dear Thuy, it’s not only you who is without a house to sleep in: besides you there are 40 people including the soldiers with still painful wounds who have to stand the same conditions, and also the thousands and thousands of Southerners also sunk in fire, sorrow, and hate. Did you think about that, Thuy?
May 2, 1969. In my difficulties I am not alone; around me are all the friends and young men concerned about the dispensary’s situation. In all the letters which arrive there is one which makes me extremely excited, a letter filled with love and concern for me. Thanks a lot everyone! I promise that I will remain calm to meet all difficulties, standing strong in a victor’s position.
May 3, 1969. Almost a year since I have been back to Pho Cuong, this friendly land that I feel is like my homeland is still the same. All of the civilians including people I know and don’t know welcome me very enthusiastically, but I don’t feel happy. Of all the people I love, I met not a one. Dang is sick again; she is mad at me because no matter what she says I still don’t want to stay more than a day. The girl’s anger doesn’t mean anything but it saddens me. Lying next to her looking at the bright moon I still cannot sleep. My dear young man, why aren’t you here? Why are you not here to share my emotions when I am waiting for you? I know that I am wrong, because I can’t blame anyone: the Americans are still here, so how can anyone travel? But I still am unhappy! Oh! My dear little Thuy! You are still a child, you are still letting love control the things that your mind knows very clearly.
May 11, 1969. We began building a clinic. Everyone concentrates on that job; only I, Lien, Vinh, Sau, and Sang stay away to care for the wounded soldiers.
This afternoon is sweltering; the wind can’t come into this Valley and the air is so heavy. In the sky the enemy planes roar fiercely. Sounds of bombs and of guns never cease… A heavy worry presses on my heart. There are only the few cadres with six wounded patients that must be moved. All the property is collected here, and from here it is very hard to make a retreat. If the enemy troops are sent down, what can we do?
From now until the day of victory will not be long, but there is in this part of the journey how much blood and bones my dear comrade? It’s never sad, but I feel sacrifice is naturally the first concern of everyone at this phase.
May 12, 1969. All the conversations with Long make me think a lot. I haven’t just met him today, but have known him since the difficult days of building the clinic. That Second Leader with the skinny body and white skin looked at me very friendly with happy eyes. “Try hard, try hard to learn to be an adult and a leader.” His rolled up his pants and shirt and waded in the rain going to work with all the people. Not too much later he left. Although he didn’t stay with me very long he cares for me and all the letters he sends are always filled with love and concern for me. Thuan and Ky many times brought his name up. “A very rare person” Thuan once said, and “In my life I have only admired two people for their way of life and they are you and Long”. This young man by loving me has encouraged me, but really Long does the same.
Lying there listening to him tell about the days of work he went through I shouted: “I can learn a lot of good things from you if I can be close to you”. My real hope is that I can go back to work with him. If nothing else changes maybe this will come true.
