April 27, 1969. Maybe there is nothing sadder than to flee and leave all the houses empty of anything or anyone. This afternoon when I returned to the clinic, the enemy was not far away. I looked back at all those empty houses and my heart filled with hate. Those roofs which took so much of our strength and work, how much sweat is soaked into every wall and every stone which is in this office. If we leave when will we have another place like this? I am not only sad but my heart is so heavy with worry and thought mixed with great sadness.
Last night as I dreamed a peaceful scene came to me in this mess of an empty evacuated house. I dreamt about Ha Noi, with the cool rooms and the yellow painted door of Chu Van An School, dreamt about the song book with the pictures of little Thanh Tra with the yellow silk hair and the white chrysanthemums of Hao* painted on the first page. And I saw my parents, my uncle Hien*, brother Buu and all the beloved people in the North. Oh! This dream is not only mine: the dream of peace and independence burns hot in the hearts of 30 million Vietnamese people, and also in the hearts of the worlds 3 billion people.
Tonight the moon is gloomy in the calm and silent jungle; everything is so still it seems to protect the quietness of the clinic. Sitting by myself on the chair in front of the operating room I am silent looking at the surrounding scene… I cannot stop a deep regret soaking into my heart. Tomorrow the clinic will move to comply with the new tactics against the enemy mop-up operations.
April 28, 1969. Even though we had a plan of resistance when the time came there was still trouble. This morning following the meeting with the leader of the clinic last night, all the seriously wounded soldiers and the ones who had difficulty walking moved to the Party School, because we found that the enemy could easily get to the clinic.
It was not yet 6 o’clock when I pushed them to move the wounded, so I could bring things and follow. After carrying them up the hill to the Party School I encouraged them to return to bring the remaining 3 wounded people left behind.
After not even 30 minutes some guns fired close by. I thought that the enemy had already arrived at where we were standing guard, so I turned back to tell the wounded soldiers to protect themselves. They hadn’t time to do anything before the frightened guerilla troops ran in to report that the enemy had already reached the watering spot so all the people hurried away. All of the strength needed to carry the wounded soldiers hadn’t returned yet, leaving only me, Tam, and a few first phase students preparing to go home to carry 5 patients. “We cannot leave the wounded so we have to try to move them all comrades”. I said that but felt worried and confused because in front of me stood a few weak and skinny children. The situation was very dangerous; Tan and Quang hurried back to tell us that the enemy had already arrived at the canal where we bathed. A few wounded soldiers were carried away leaving only Kiem, with a broken leg, with us. I didn’t know what to do but called Ly, the little girl student, to came and help us move Kiem. Kiem is very big, so was too heavy for two of us to carry. Trying very hard, I could only drag him toward the house a little ways. Not knowing what to do I found another person to come and help. Fortunately I saw Minh and Co, both of whom had just met the enemy. The enemy had shot comrade Van already. We few moved Kiem to a hole to hide for awhile.
After an hour we regrouped the wounded soldiers, leaving only Van and 9 cadres behind. We decided to move to a deep tunnel, using the position and food of the 120th Unit following a plan that we had made the day before.
An extremely difficult morning, perhaps the same as another time when the dispensary was bombed and attacked but harder this time because we didn’t know who to lean on. Some few of the people who never before had to move the wounded soldiers because they were so weak this time had to carry one and to climb up and down hills and to cross rivers to get to the new position.
Tired and hungry but I and all the comrades still remain calm. Anyway, we have grown a lot after these few cruel years.
At 4 o’clock we arrived in position and night came to a forest filled with moonlight. After examining the wounded nothing important had changed so I returned to lie down, putting my head on my hands and looking at the moon I could not stop thinking.
