Sweet Addiction полностью

She hated that she was so weak in front of him. That she’d cried all over him. She never cried. She was always so careful to only show him her strength and quiet determination. He’d seen her not at her best, but he’d never seen her so …distraught.

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I do and I don’t. I’m so confused. I don’t know what I want.”

“That isn’t like you. You’re the most confident, self-assured woman I’ve ever known. You’re comfortable in your skin. You always know precisely what you want and you’ve never been bashful about pursuing it. I’ve always admired that about you.”

She laid her head back on his shoulder and wrapped her hand around the side of his neck, clutching at him, needing that contact. “You asked me what was different in our relationship or rather how our relationship differed from the others I’ve had. This, Lucas. This is what’s different.”

He stroked his hand through her hair. He pressed his lips to her forehead in the most gentle of kisses and then said, “Explain.”

“You get me. Really get me. It’s not all about you as a lot of people would assume a relationship where dominance is a factor would be about your needs and wants above all else.”

“Your happiness is important to me,” he said by way of agreement.

She sighed. “In all my other relationships, except one, it’s been more about the man. Not always or all the time but mostly. In all but one, my partner never had my complete trust. In all but one, I was never …home. You’re home to me, Lucas. I feel safe and cherished with you. I trust you.”

He seemed pleased by her heartfelt declaration. He squeezed her warmly and she could feel the pleasure seeping through him. That made her happy. She wanted him to know how much he meant to her. How much his protection meant to her.

“You said except one. Do you mean Cole?”

She took in a deep breath. “Yes. I was happy with Cole. My relationship with him mimicked a lot of the things I value most about my relationship with you. Only ours is a more grown-up version of what I had with him. I like to think if only Cole and I had had time that we could have grown into something like what you and I have now.”

“And yet the idea of me giving you to him distresses you,” Lucas murmured.

“I’m scared,” she admitted. “And confused. Maybe a little threatened, you know?”

He brushed his mouth over her temple, a simple gesture she felt all the way to her soul.

“Why, Lucas? Why are you doing it? I don’t understand. I’m afraid to dig too deeply for the answer.”

Before she hadn’t been willing to ask, but now she had to know. Was it a test? She wasn’t sure she could do this. He hadn’t done it to hurt her. She’d never believe Lucas would be that cruel. Which meant he had a specific reason for sending her back into the arms of the man who’d broken her heart.

He pulled her back just enough that he could touch her jaw, cup her chin, rub his thumb gently across her lips. So comforting. So very real.

“You say you trust me.”

She nodded without hesitation.

“Then trust me that this is what I feel is best for you. I think this is something you need. I would not do it if I thought it would hurt you. It may make you uncomfortable, but I think when all is said and done, this is for the best.”

The calm in his voice soothed her frayed nerves. She did trust him. Implicitly. He’d never steered her wrong. He’d never done anything without her best interests at heart.

And the truth was that she did want to see Cole again. She’d imagined what it would be like to have him touch her as he’d once done. Wondered if he’d even want to. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him since the night she and Lucas had gone to The House.

What had rattled her far more than her encounter with her first love was the guilt she’d felt for thinking of him ever since. Lucas was everything to her and yet she couldn’t stop thinking about a man who shouldn’t occupy her thoughts or her fantasies.

The fact that Lucas seemed to understand only made the guilt burn more brightly. That he’d gone as far as to make an arrangement with Cole because he thought it was something she needed made her want to curl into a ball of shame.

“Ren.”

Lucas’s soft admonishment had her looking up and tears gathered once more when she saw the understanding reflected in his eyes.

“Do you think I would be angry for you being human enough to feel emotion when confronted with someone you used to love? Do you think I would punish you for being honest enough with yourself and me to admit these feelings?”

He smoothed his hand down her cheek, wiping at the trail of moisture leaking down the side of her face.

“I’m angry at myself,” she choked out. “You don’t deserve this. I feel so disloyal.”

He smiled then. “Do you get angry when I glance fondly at a former lover when she comes my way?”

She frowned and shook her head.

“Why is that?”

“Because I know you feel nothing more than a passing affection for her now.”