“But oh God, Cole. I love Lucas too, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I can’t just turn that off. Even if he has left me and moved on. I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with that. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to disrespect you. But I can’t pretend like this isn’t tearing me up inside. I can’t pretend I don’t love him when I do. But I can’t—I wont—have you think that I don’t love you with every thing I have.”
Her breath came out as a sob, stuttering over shaking lips. She hadn’t realized how badly she was shaking all over until Cole gripped her arms with his hands and simply held her.
“I love you, Cole,” she whispered. “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you were second best or that I didn’t love you or that, God forbid, you were a substitute for Lucas and that any man could give me what I want and need.”
He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly, his chest heaving against her. “Ren. My darling, Ren. I love you too. So damn much. So honest and so tormented. I wish you’d talked to me before. I hate that you’ve been feeling torn and afraid.”
“I didn’t even know myself what to say or what to do,” she said, muffled by her mouth against his throat.
She inhaled his scent, closed her eyes as his pulse beat against her lips. Steady and reassuring. Just like he always was. Her Cole.
“I love you,” she said again, because it seemed the right and best thing to say. Perhaps the only thing out of all the other stuff that mattered.
He kissed her hair, stroked her skin and simply held her as she clung to him.
“It will be all right, Ren. I swear to you,” Cole finally said. It was a vow. So firm that hope and comfort took hold. “We’ll find a way, darling. We’ll find it.”
She and Cole swam in the sea. They snorkeled along a reef not far from the boat and she delighted in all of the sea creatures she got to interact with.
One afternoon, they took the small outboard to the island they’d anchored off and picnicked on the sand. They played in the surf, took a nap in the shade of a palm tree and then motored back to the yacht at sunset.
Their two weeks were almost up, but neither broached the subject even though it weighed heavy on Ren’s mind. But she knew Cole thought about it too because she could see the way his eyes changed when he thought she wasn’t looking.
On the morning of their seventh day, she woke to Cole parting her legs and plunging deep inside her. He hadn’t worn a condom since that first day on the boat and she’d been fiercely relieved. It wasn’t as if they’d been completely irresponsible.
Both were healthy and had discussed their histories at the onset of their time together. It had been Lucas who’d insisted Cole wear a condom and he’d done so because he hadn’t wanted another man to have what was his. He’d wanted Ren to hold something back. Not let Cole enjoy the same privileges as Lucas had.
But neither Ren nor Cole had been willing to continue that line of respect in light of Lucas’s actions. And it had more to do with their own deep, personal connection than any regard or disregard for Lucas.
She wrapped her arms around Cole’s neck and let her palms slide over his shoulders to his back and down to his lean waist and over his firm buttocks.
He was such a gorgeous man. Toned. Muscled. But not hulking and huge. Just perfect.
“We have to go back today,” he murmured as he nibbled at her ear.
She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him deeper. “I know.”
“Mike’s already weighed anchor and we’re heading back to the island where the jet is waiting.”
She sighed her regret. Their return to reality was inevitable, but still, the few days they’d been able to escape were a fairy tale she’d never forget. Perhaps an extremely kinky adult fairy tale, but a fantasy nonetheless.
He continued to rock into her until her release slid warm and pleasurable over her. Like the sun caressing the earth at dawn. She kissed him. Held on to him as he lowered his body to hers.
For the longest time they remained there, legs intertwined, their breaths mingling until finally Cole rolled over so that Ren was sprawled atop him.
“Let’s take a shower together and get dressed,” he said in a regretful tone.
She lowered her mouth to his and allowed the sweetness of his kiss to reassure her. He’d said they’d work it out and she believed him.
“Last one in the shower’s a rotten egg,” she threw out just as she lunged from the bed and ran for the bathroom.
“You little cheat!”
She laughed madly as she turned the water on and waited for it to warm. A moment later, his arms closed around her and his mouth found her neck. Then to her utter shock he hauled her into the shower and shoved her underneath the still-cold spray.
