“Yes, Tim, really.” she said in a sad voice, “Your brother and father sounded very convincing. Especially since, until two weeks ago, I had no idea how bad things really were from your perspective.” She paused to sigh again. “So, there you have your answer to why we never offered to take you in. John and I also talked about introducing you to our family activities ourselves if Claire wouldn’t, but it simply wasn’t our place. It’s the parents’ responsibility to decide when their children are ready for it. All we knew was that we forgot your birthday, and that Aaron preferred Logan over you. So, honestly, we had little reason to doubt their words when they claimed you simply didn’t want to. At least not until your grandfather called and told John about your disappearance.”
She was right. To me, this did sound like a bunch of excuses. But she had already acknowledged that she simply screwed up, and seemed to genuinely regret that.
“So ... what’s the plan now?” I asked, and noticed her acting pensive all of a sudden.
“There are ... other concerns.” she replied carefully, “Now that I finally realized my mistake and started looking at things a little more ... critically ... I’m afraid there are a lot more things going wrong. I’ll have to talk with the others about it. I think we need to make some serious changes about the way we handle things.”
“I think that’s obvious.” I injected, which she ignored.
“Right now, my main concern is you. I will make this right, Tim. I will not fail you again. So, right now, I need to make sure you’re actually Okay like you claimed you are.”
“Well, fine, I’m not Okay. Happy?” She grinned. “But I will be.”
“Meaning?” She insisted on keeping this talk going.
I realized how long we had already stood around while talking, and it seemed like this talk would go on for a while longer. So, I moved over to the loveseat and found my shirt from the day before draped across a chair. I guess they weren’t sure if they should try to wash out the blood or just throw it away. I took a seat, fully expecting her to sit in the armchair opposing me to complete the picture of a therapist in session. She surprised me, however, by sitting right next to me instead. I took a sip of my drink, more to buy some time than to sort my thoughts.
“The last two weeks were just ... a little stressful.” I started,
“That’s slightly understated, but go on.” she smiled.
“And ... I haven’t slept that well in a while. I just need to realize we’re finally out of the woods; it’ll fix itself.”
She nodded, stood up and walked into the kitchen. Then she came back with a drink of her own, though she preferred a glass of wine I had no idea we even had in the house. Then she sat back next to me, and gave me a searching look.
“When you wake up, how do you feel?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if it makes you check on us, do you feel like something’s wrong? Or something might happen?”
“Yes.”
“And how are you physically when that happens? How does your body feel?”
I thought about that a little before I answered.
“Like ... when the fight with those guys in the parking lot started. Like that.”
“You mean ... heart palpitations?” I nodded. “Heavy breathing?” I nodded again. “Body trembling, hands shaking?” I wanted to shake my head, but she was spot on. “Do you always get a drink when that happens?”
“No. Usually, I just make my rounds and get better once I arrive in the basement.” I ignored the sight of her raising her eyebrow when I used the word ‘Usually’, indirectly admitting how regularly it was happening. “But today was just ... it didn’t go away until I understood that John was missing and called him. By then, I had already tried the drink.”
“You do realize, this sounds like you’re waking up with panic attacks?” she asked matter of fact. I just stared at her for a moment.
“No, it doesn’t.”
“What do you think it is, then?” she asked patiently.
“I don’t know, pick something else. I don’t do ‘panic attacks’! Why would I!? I don’t clamp up like Aaron, or run away like Logan! I deal with it when shit happens. And why the hell would I get hysterical now, when it’s over and solved!?”
I heard her let out a heavy sigh after I finished.
“I should’ve expected that response, after you spent so much time with Bill and his boys...” she mumbled to herself before continuing louder while looking directly into my eyes. “You’re not ‘hysterical’, Tim. The last two weeks were a lot more than just ‘a little stressful’! You almost
“But it IS over now.” I protested, failing to control the volume of my voice. She surprised me by taking my hand before answering.
