Tiny Tim полностью

“No, it’s not. Not for your body, at least. You’re still hurting. Your ribs, your side, your arms ... I think, when you agitate your wounds by moving in your sleep, the sudden pain sends your brain right back into the fight-or-flight state you basically maintained over weeks now. When did it start getting so bad?”

I sure as shit was not going to tell this woman that it got really bad just after I got back from Austin. Which, coincidentally, was also when they all moved to the supposed hotel and left me alone in the house. That would just give her ammunition to stop me from going back home. Instead, I deflected.

“Well ... that certainly sounds better than a panic attack. How’s Ava, by the way?” It gave her pause for a second.

“I thought you didn’t care?” She and Claire had apparently talked after I went to sleep.

“I said that when you, Maggie, and Granny were looking after her. But seeing how you and Maggie opted to sleep with her instead of going home with John ... maybe it was more serious than I thought. Unless, of course, it wasn’t because she needed emotional support, and you instead just continued the fun you all had over the last week.”

“Tim! We would never do that!” She genuinely sounded hurt.

“You wouldn’t? You all spent my last two birthdays having lovely get-togethers, while I was at work. Remember what you were doing that Thanksgiving, when you all had finally realized that it was my birthday? If memory serves, Aaron and Grandpa were spitroasting Ava, and your daughter was blowing Logan, while you were discussing how and why our relationship had turned to shit. While I was risking my life, taking out those guys, you were in the mood to have at least a foursome. And now you tell me, you’d never do something like that?”

I was neither shouting, nor was my tone sounding angry. I was calmly pointing out why she was talking bullshit. After everything that happened that night, I was past angry. Though, I wondered if she picked up on the little part about Ava being spitroasted on Thanksgiving. They now knew that I knew about the family orgies for a while, but that was a detail I had no way of knowing.

“I already said I’m sorry, Tim. And I meant it when I said I’ll do better. What happened with Logan while you were out there putting your life on the line ... That’s one of the things I talked about just now. One of the things we need to change.”

“Please explain.” I said with great interest, causing her to, once again, look at me in great shame.

“Tim, we did not do that out of disrespect to you, or because we didn’t appreciate what you were doing for us. We did that because we were worried about you.”

“I’m not following.”

“I’m afraid we’ve all grown a little too ... accustomed to sex. John disagrees with me on that one, but it isn’t anywhere near as meaningful as it once was. It became something we simply do to feel good. That day, we were all stressed out of our minds. We tried calling you a dozen times throughout the night, and every time you didn’t answer, it got worse. We could always use sex to ease that tension.” she finished in a quiet voice.

I groaned, “Please tell me that you realize how much of a ‘Fuck you’ that is to me.”

“Yes. I do now.” she said in an even smaller voice. “At the time though ... When your Mom and Susy saw Logan after those men roughed him up, they wanted him to feel better. Aaron argued that we can’t hold it against him if he told those men about you, because he was scared. If either of us were in a similar situation, we would probably also say whatever we thought would get us out of it. And he was right. I would have done the same. It ... made sense.”

As she told me that, my eyes widened in disbelief. These fucking assholes had used Bill’s words, that he used to keep me focused on my task instead of my hatred for Logan, to justify their Golden Boy’s betrayal of his own brother!

I also realized something else. After what happened during the week before my trip to Austin, I had hoped that they would finally come around and acknowledge me as part of their family. Ava had displayed her willingness when I woke up next to her, Granny had come on to me in a similar situation, and Claire had actually slept with me. Now, however, after learning how mundane and meaningless these activities were for them ... this was obviously not what I had secretly hoped for.

“Tim.” her voice pulled me out of my thoughts, accompanied by the feeling of her holding my hand. “Please believe me. I’m really sorry.”

I sighed.

“I do. You did not pull any punches when it came to your involvement and your motivation for it. And your apology is the only reason I’m talking to you in the first place. It was the first time any of you even tried to apologize. I appreciate it, though it’s still too late. Too much happened that I won’t be able to forget.”